11
Apr
11

Ill-Conceived Breakfast Cereals

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08
Mar
08

Celebrity-Sponsored Restaurants I’d Like to See Pt. 1: Pantera Bread

We are Pantera

We are bakers of bread and purveyors of metal. We are fresh from the oven. We are a symbol of warmth and welcome. We are a simple pleasure, honest and vulgar. We are a life story told over dinner. We are a long bong hit with an old friend. We are your weekday morning ritual. We are the kindest gesture of neighbors. We are home. We are family. We are fucking hostile.

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16
Feb
08

The Star Wars Cantina Restaurant

One day a few years ago I was sitting in Panera bread with some co-workers o’ mine and I wondered aloud if there was a Star Wars-themed restaurant. We didn’t know if there was (I still don’t, I’m too lazy to look), so we imagined what would be on the menu if there was such a thing. The first thing I could think of was “Jawaffles” and then it just snowballed from there. (Special thanks to Geoff and Bob and Bob)

Appetizers
Buffalo B-Wings
Buffalo X-Wings
Buffalo Y-Wings
Bespinach Dip and Chips
Wedge o’ Cheese & Jengo Fetta Cheese
Han So Low-Carb Crabcakes
Ugnaught-chos

Soups & Salads & Sides
Sy Snoodles
Won-TaunTaun Soup
Vader’s Taters
I find your lack of sour cream and bacon bits disturbing…
Wampasta
Rancorn on the Cob
Gammorean Garlic Bread
Greeata Ricotta Salada
Alderaamen Noodles
Bosskin Baked Beans
Yavinaigrette Dressing
R2-D-Tofu
Dengar-den Salad
Coruscant-chovies
Emperor Palpotatoes au Gratin
Death Star Salad Bar

Entrees
Tusken Chicken
Boba Fetuccini
Dagobaloney Sandwich
Tatoo-weenies & Porkins Beans
Princess Leia Organic Free-Range Chicken
Lando Calzone-ian
Admiral Akbar-B-Q Ribs
Zuckuss-tash
Bib Fortuna Casserole
Padme Amadalasagna
Mynocwurst
C3-Peanut Butter Sandwich
Forget the ettiquette and protocol and dive in to a homemade PB&J!
George Lucasserole
The first one ever made was the best.
Millenium Falconey Dog
She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts
or
You ate that thing? You’re braver than I thought

Luke Skywalk-curry Chicken
Biggs-in-a-Blanket
Blast it, Biggs, where are you?
Naboo-ritos

Desserts
Salacious Crumb Cake
Aaah-ha-hah-ha-haaaaa!
Greedo-nuts
Obi-Wan “Ben” Canoli
Chewbac-lava
Endor Moon Pies
Mos Eis-Cream
You’ll not find a more wretched hive of fudge and ice cream
Sand Crullers
Chocolate Mousse-tafar
Governor Tarkinstant Pudding
Banthana Split
Wookiee Lime Pie
Ewocky Road Ice Cream

Beverages
Qui Gon Jin and Tonic
Yoda Soda
Mountain Dewback
Do the Dew!
Darth Maulted Milkshake

Breakfast
Jawaffles
I can’t abide these jawaffles…unless I have some syrup
Hoth Cakes and Sausage
Darth Sidi-ohs
Blueberry Moffins

15
Feb
08

More Inappropriate Children’s Books

I recently submitted some designs for some Inappropriate Children’s Books to a popular comedy site. They ended up choosing two of them for inclusion in their final list, but I thought that some of the others that had been rejected were too good to never be seen. What follows are the rejects.

I’m ready for the hate mail. Be gentle.

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